A day of discussion and healing

A busy and gay weekend.

Saturday evening I went to the LGBTQ Comedy Fest put on by Motor City Pride. The show featured four stand-up acts. Three were quite funny, one not so much. Much of the material is not safe for blogging. The show didn’t keep track of time very well – they started almost 10 minutes late, the intermission ran long, and the raffle took lots of time. So the show ended at 11:10, making me a bit annoyed because I had to be at church early the next morning to rehearse the bell choir.

Early Sunday afternoon the Dedicated Reconciling United Methodists (I’m on the leadership team) hosted a program to hear from Rev. Melanie Carey, one of the clergy delegates at last week’s General Conference, and pastor of Nardin Park United Methodist Church where this program was held.

That morning Rev. Carey held a service of reconciliation. A few people who attended said the service was a reason they decided not to leave the church. One effect of the GC was that progressive and moderate congregations can no longer be quiet on the issue of LGBTQ inclusion. They see they must actually say something. Rev. Carey did that in the service. The church sign out front now includes “LGBTQ People Welcome Here.”

Rev. Carey talked about what happened and what it means, though I knew most of it from my work in following GC. Her biggest point was that because of the way the United Methodist Church is structured there can be no legislative solution to the current crisis facing the church.

Rev. Carey then opened the floor for questions. A few of the questions were about splitting the denomination. I asked one of those questions: If there is a legislative proposal to split the denomination in next year’s General Conference do you think it would pass? She did. This is one legislative solution that could work. Conservatives and Africans are also looking for a split.

What did the denomination get for this four-day General Conference? A bad reputation with a publicity nightmare, and a waste of $3.5 million.

After the session ended I talked to many of my friends who were there. To one of them I mentioned the idea that if there is a split the progressive side has a chance to rebuild of the denomination and that can and should include removing the misogyny, racism, homophobia, and other such things that have been the foundation of the denomination since it’s formation in 1968 and part of the parent denominations well before then. This friend responded by naming one of the prominent pastors in Kansas, who seems to be leading the discussion on a denominational split, and said he and old straight white men should get out of the way. It is the women, people of color (especially women of color), and LGBTQ people who should be leading the redesign.

In May regional conferences will be held and one of their tasks will be to elect delegates to next year’s General Conference. My region covers Michigan. I’m not a delegate, so I talked to a few who are, suggesting two things, that a proposal to split the denomination be forwarded to GC and that the delegates from our region be under 35, women, people of color, and LGBTQ. They all liked the idea, though one said, good luck with that!

On to a third event. Towards the end of last week I got an email from Rev. Jeff Nelson. I knew and loved him from his time as the pastor of my church. He moved on to Royal Oak three years ago. The email invited me to a service on Sunday evening, but didn’t explain much of what was to happen. I didn’t think I needed yet another service.

In talking to people Sunday afternoon I heard more of what the service would be about. When a couple friends suggested I ride with them and have supper with them I decided to go. I’m glad I did. The place was full with some people standing and others in an overflow area. More watched by livestream (though I heard that stopped working about halfway through) and a video will be posted later.

It was a service of healing. Pastor Jeff began by saying the denomination got it wrong. His church in Royal Oak will continue to be welcoming and a safe space. Parents don’t have to be ashamed of their LGBTQ children. Same-sex couples don’t have to use euphemisms like “longtime companion.”

At one point Pastor Jeff asked other pastors in attendance to come forward and, one at a time, to say their name, their church, and that all were welcome at their church. I counted 45 pastors who came forward covering the area Monroe to Flint to Lansing. Alas, that doesn’t include every United Methodist Church in the area.

The offering for the evening went to Affirmations LGBTQ Community Center in Ferndale (two miles from the church in Royal Oak) and the Ruth Ellis Center in Highland Park (seven miles from the church). I volunteer at the Ruth Ellis Center and donate to both. A representative of the Ruth Ellis Center spoke, first sharing a bit of history, and then explaining their mission to help LGBTQ youth. The top reason why LGBTQ youth are homeless: rejection by parents. The top reason why parents reject their children: religious doctrine – such as what General Conference passed last Tuesday. Which is exactly why Pastor Jeff wanted the evening’s offering to go to them. Pastor Jeff said, “Whatever amount you were thinking of giving, add a zero.” I don’t know how much was raised.

Pastor Jeff invited three people to speak. One was a pastor in Flint, known for his social justice poetry. He turned the mic over to his lesbian daughter, who read a poem she had written (with help from her father). She addressed the 430 delegates who had voted for the Traditional Plan: I am not angry. I don’t have time for that. I’ve got better things to do. However, I am resolved.

The second speaker was Nicole. Nicole’s wife wanted to check out the Royal Oak church, so for several months Nicole sat in the parking lot while her wife went inside for services and meetings. Pastor Jeff invited her in and she finally did. Soon she was a regular and contributing member. This past week when Pastor Jeff called her, she said you’re asking me to drop my membership, aren’t you. He said, no, I’m asking you to tell your story.

The third speaker was Pastor Julie, a lesbian, from my own church, welcomed and hired by Pastor Jeff. Her message was brief (Pastor Jeff’s introduction was just as long). When she heard the news on Tuesday she wanted out. She even started packing her office. Then she realized: Who will stand up for me if I leave?

Then came the sermon from a gay pastor in Lansing. He is allowed to serve because he doesn’t have a partner. But that means slowly dying inside. His passion is being a pastor. He also yearns for a partner to love. The current denomination rules won’t let him do both.

The evening included four soloists, one of them singing with a choir that came an hour early to rehearse. There was also communion, served with gluten-free bread to make sure no one was excluded.

As part of his closing Pastor Jeff asked can you feel a new church being born tonight?

The whole service was long – 2:20. I appreciated every minute of it. I may have felt differently if I was hungry, but friends and I had a good supper at Pronto!, a gay-owned restaurant next door to the church. A reception was held at Pronto! after the service, which I heard was donated by Pronto! I didn’t go. It had already been a long day.

Thank you to Rev. Melanie Carey for your work at GC and for sharing your experience. Thank you to Rev. Jeff Nelson for your healing service.