Back in 2014 Rev. Ed Rowe of the big United Methodist Church in downtown Detroit officiated at the wedding of a lesbian couple. He did it because he was the pastor of his entire congregation, even though same-sex weddings are against the denomination’s governing document, the *Book of Discipline*. A complaint was filed against Rowe. The complaint came from allies to undermine any complaint from opponents who might call for a trial and removal, even though Rowe was within a month of retirement. The resolution to this complaint was the agreement that Rowe would create a documentary film about the harm that denomination policies are causing. This would be reconciliation, not punishment.
After 3½ years the film is ready. I saw it yesterday.
The team narrowed its focus to the harm caused to gay and lesbian pastors. Even so, they filmed 15 hours of testimony. They chose 55 minutes to include in their film. It will soon be online. Look for Truth and Reconciliation Discernment.
If we as a denomination are to be in ministry with LGBTQIA people we need to hear their voices.
The film’s onscreen host was Jerry Peterson, Executive Director of the Ruth Ellis Center. The center provides services and a meeting space for LGBTQIA youth of the Detroit area, many of whom are kicked out of their homes because of religious doctrine. Because of that the Center has incorporated the principles of the Family Acceptance Project. More on this later.
The film features six people. One is a pastor who is also the mother of a transgender child. The child lamented not being able to have a wedding in Mom’s church. Another person is the father of a lesbian who feels the call to be a pastor but can’t do it in the United Methodist Church. Not only are these policies throwing out lots of wonderful candidates, there are dozens more who know not to apply.
The other four are gay and lesbian pastors who share the difficulties they faced. Most of the time was given to Louise Ott and Davita McCallister. Both shared how hard it was to be a pastor while being closeted. Ott said she could not assure people they would be welcome in her church when she was not fully welcome and had to maintain barriers to her true self.
After the film Peterson was there to host the discussion. First, we talked with those at our own table, then Peterson opened up the discussion to the whole group about how we might reduce harm within our churches. One idea that Peterson suggested is to use the Family Acceptance Project behaviors within the congregational family.
I first heard details of the Family Acceptance Project through a presentation at the Ruth Ellis Center. It’s primary premises (backed up by stats): Gay youth do better within their families. Parents want what is best for their gay children, but may not know what to do or say to achieve that. They may believe the only way a child can succeed is to not be gay.
Here are some of the recommended behaviors:
* Don’t physically or verbally harass a child because he or she is gay.
* Include gay youth in all family activities.
* Encourage access to gay friends, events, and resources.
* Don’t say that God will punish the child.
* Don’t pressure them to act more or less masculine or feminine.
At the end Peterson, Rowe, and others shared more ideas on how to get to reconciliation.
* Get over the fear of engaging differences.
* Focus on individuals and their stories, not issues.
* Let go of the need to be right.
* When faced with opposing views say, “Help me to understand. Why do you believe that? Why is that important to you?”
Rowe concluded by saying he is done proof-texting – arguing over what the Bible says. Instead, he focuses on loving the person. We are to do the same.
